Just one more

Odd. I wrote ‘Nov’ at first. Sitting at a table in the center of every one, they were out of pistachio muffins, so I got a blueberry one. On my walk over here a dog jogged up to me – his people were covering their plants to prepare for the freeze – and the woman said something like ‘he knows a good one when he sees them.’ On my drive over to the park while I was saying my affirmations I said ‘universe, show me how powerful I am’ and there was a ladybug on my windshield. I also added ‘universe, show me how worthy I am.’ And while I was running something interesting happened – when I came up on people they all heard me and moved over – like all of them. It was very ‘my presence parts waters.’ After my run I cooled down at a bench and did my 10 minute meditation and people walked by and there was a group of two – or at least 2 voices I could hear – one of them said ‘hi!’ and it was directed at me, but I kept my position and they said it again like ‘hello, I'm talking to you’ was their tone. Then the person with them said ‘she’s meditating.’ I kind of – dang ‘how long do I wallow, how long do I sit in my shame?’ ‘When I read that I was encouraged and it was so simple, nothing revolutionary.’ I overheard as I’m thinking about how I dressed today – like a superhero. Red pants, blue tank and my greenish pullover. I was also thinking how necessary it was for me to wear this to get myself running. And then once I was running I had to keep thinking ‘just one more.’ Even though I had all four laps to go. I told myself ‘just one more’ every quarter of every lap basically. It took me a while this morning to get out of bed – like I knew I was going to – I was resisting – I know. Then as I was running I was relieved to finally be there. And I kept reminding myself why I do it – because I’m showing up for myself to do something challenging and I always feel better afterward with a greater trust in myself. That’s what I'm doing, building trust with myself by showing up. I also thought ‘just one more’ has also been what I tell myself when it comes to everything some days. I just took an input break – maybe that’s something I need to cut back on. I just saw a woman trip on the stairs and almost fell – she would’ve taken down her friends, but she caught herself. Ohh. Okay, I see. I’m catching myself. Awareness. Self-observation. Oh, the PN this AM was on ‘The War of Art.’ Lol. The way I wrote it looks like War o Fart. Okay, back to the topic at hand. The book talks about being an amateur vs being a professional. And amateurs are like weekend warriors whereas professionals show up every day even when they don’t feel like it. They commit to their craft and do it even when inspiration isn’t flowing. And whatever it is they kind of take on this mantra of ‘just one more.’ Just one more line of writing, just one more stroke to paint, and that makes me think of the gem miner? In ‘The Alchemist’ - he just needed one more dig. And so as I was listening to the PN after my run I thought ‘I am the work of art’ - I am the craft. I have committed to myself. I have committed to perfecting and improving my craft which has been to mine myself? To learn myself. The song that was just playing had a very triumphant ending and an audiences applause. Hmm. I just thought of pistachio muffins and why they were out of them this morning. It’s time to say goodbye to the muffins, Leah. Your body doesn’t need or want that anymore. Alright. I did think of not getting any food this morning but I was hungry from my run. And that’s okay. You’re catching yourself, Leah. You’re doing it. ‘And I think to myself what a wonderful world.’ I thought it was ‘somewhere over the rainbow’ for a second. Ukulele got me. Alright, tis time to process. I love you, little weirdo <3 And I am so fucking proud of you. Wayshower.